Gifts for Grumps… Bah Humbug!

Oh, the holiday season, a season of joy, Christmas carols, presents under the tree, and all sorts of other rubbish for people way happier than they should be.  Why should they be happy in the middle of winter? It’s way too cold for that! And Christmas carols?? How can anyone stand hearing those stupid songs year after year after year?  Don’t even get me started about presents! Talk about a waste of money! If we had kids, they would be happy that we fed them and put a roof over their heads! No one, child or adult, needs to be spoiled with gifts every year.  It's bad enough birthdays are a thing, but getting everyone a gift all at once is so much worse! If you ever feel like punching those peppy idiots who started babbling about Christmas and how excited they are when it was literally still September, then kudos.  The holiday season is the worst, and only a few of us seem to get that.  

If you would rather boycott anything even slightly Christmas related, we totally get it, and we support you.  However, if you would rather more visibly and tangibly show your distaste for all things jolly, we might be able to help you out.  Here at Off The Wagon we have an assortment of delightfully joyless apparel. It comes in all black and gray to bring down Christmas spirit as much as possible, and we think you’re going to love it!

Grump Scarf

The frowns on this scarf will match your mood perfectly next time you hear about Rudolph and his stupid nose.  Plus, it's bound to be way too cold outside for any sane person, even if those caroling crackpots don’t seem to feel that way. Luckily, with this scarf, you can send 3 times the frowns in their direction to put a damper on their mood.

Grump Socks

Do you work in an office where everyone wears socks with reindeers and ornaments and Christmas trees on them?  It’s terrible, we know. Someone has to counteract all that sock focused festivity! Put on a pair of these grump socks and make everyone's day a little worse!

Grump Notebook

Do you feel alone or misunderstood during the holidays?  All you want to do is ruin Christmas for everyone else, but no one seems to want to hear about it.  Next time you get turned down by a jolly do-gooder, try journaling about it in this grump notebook. It will listen, and it hates the holidays just as much as you!

Grump Mints

These grump mints are a great thing to have around.  If you ever accidentally taste a candy cane, Christmas cookie, or eggnog, you can use these mints to eradicate all Christmas flavors from your mouth!  They will also make your breath smell terrible, but only to people who are happy!

Meh Ornament

Sometimes we get forced to participate in holiday traditions.  Whether it's your family or your job or whatever else, it can be terrible.  If you ever have to get an ornament or a gift more generally, this meh ornament will fulfill that criterion without making anyone enjoy themselves more.  It’s a double win!

If you read this whole blog post thinking “Wow this is a really funny joke,” then you are part of the problem. Go look at gifts for happy people on the Off The Wagon website and leave us grumps alone.