10 Weird & Funny Cards to express your love this Valentine's Day

Love. There’s been (give or take) 2 trillion poems written about it, twice that many songs, and it pops up in pretty much every movie, tv show, or book you run across. And your average Valentine’s Day card? It’s just spitting out the same old stuff. Don’t get the wrong message, we love love! But with Valentine’s day rolling around this year, here at Off the Wagon we’re looking for something more silly than serious. More funny than dramatic. If you’re not on the same page as us, no hard feelings. Have fun watching Titanic again and writing poetry in your “I love you” Valentine’s Card. For the rest of you though, we’ve got the perfect silly and ridiculous Valentine’s Day cards for a sillier, more lighthearted time! Check these out:

WE ALMOST FORGOT: All our cards are blank inside, leaving room for your message. They also come with a perfectly sized envelope.

“Light up my life like hot sauce lights up my asshole” Letterpress Card


It’s a very evocative comparison certainly, and there's certainly a way you could take it as a compliment. Especially if you like being in pain while on the toilet.

“True love does exist! Happy Valentine’s Day” Bigfoot Letterpress Card

True love might seem hard to find, but we promise you have it easier than sasquatches. Their natural evasive magic makes it nearly impossible for them to even meet one another, let alone fall in love!

You are a Magical Unicorn and everyone else can go F-ck themselves! Card

Being a unicorn is really just about the mentality. The horn and magic and stuff come later, with time. Disagree? Politely reference the “everyone else can go f-ck themselves” section of the card.

Heart Decoder Card


Grab a pen and write your own super secret message on the heart. Whoever you give the card to will be able to read it once they put on the included glasses!

I Like Your Butt Card

It’s not that you don’t like their personality and all that jazz, but sometimes a spectacular butt just deserves some extra attention.

Here's Your Damn Valentine's Greeting Card

Do you secretly (or not so secretly) hate Valentine’s day, but your partner still expects a card? Well, this card is perfect for you.

Buttface Valentine's Day Card

Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you don’t think they’re a buttface. On the contrary, the better you know someone the better you get to know their particular brand of buttface-ness.

I Love Naps, Bacon, and You Scratch-off Card

The bit under the scratch-off reads “But if I had to choose, you’d be my favorite.” Pretty cute, right?

Classic Telegram Scratch-off Card

Like the scratch-off idea? Leave your own message under the scratch-off heart on the front of this card!

Looking for more Valentine’s day stuff? We’ve got cute plush, gag gifts, fun candy, and more cards in our Valentine’s day collection. If you want to browse all our weird and wacky stuff, you can look through our entire catalog here! Happy Valentine’s Day!

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