Happy 246th birthday to the United States; if you were a human you’d be super old and wrinkly (just like our last two presidents)! Here at Off the Wagon, we don’t really have much patriotic stuff to show you for the 4th of July. We’re working on developing a firework that explodes in the shape of a rubber chicken and makes a loud squeaking noise at the same time, but until then the closest thing we have are some weird political gifts and gags. That won’t stop us from writing an epic blog for the holiday weekend though! We’ve picked out gifts that are red, white, and blue; this way if you get one of each you’ll have your own little gag-gift American flag. Check these out:
We have no idea if Bacon was invented in the USA, but it feels like a very American thing.
It may not be Christmas, but red is a shared color! Plus, isn’t Christmas in July a thing? Friends and family will be confused when you whip out candy canes, and even more confused when they taste them!
Because it feels good as hell to be free from dirt and body odor, but also free from the tyranny of British taxation without representation!
Ok so the underwear isn’t read (but white is still an appropriate color), but the dispenser itself is a lovely red. This way you get ⅔ of the american colors in one goofy product!
On to white stuff! This desk sign will perfectly represent how you feel coming back to work after the long weekend.
Burn this candle to channel the energy of the founding fathers as they got really fed up with Britain's bullshit.
More clear than white, but we’re counting it because it's so much fun to play with.
A white mug with a silly Pug. Ok the mug is more of an off-white but we think it's hilarious so we included it anyway.
Do you love the freedom you have as an American to just tell someone to fuck off so you can play video games or read your book? Well, these are the perfect blue socks for you.
…with a chair. I’ll give you a hint on one person who really needed this treatment in 1776. It rhymes with the Bing of Krittian.
Yes they do, while wearing blue. Blue coin purses.
Use this sticky note to complain about how your country could be better because Democracy is a thing!
If you want to check out more of the weird gifts, games, and gag we have to offer, you can browse our entire catalog here.