Family therapy? Too expensive. This gum? Just $3.99 and comes with 8 pieces of deeply repressed emotion and artificial flavoring.
Pick your trauma—I mean, flavor:
🧓 Eldest Child Gum – Cinnamon Flavored
"I never even had a childhood. Of course I carry the mental and emotional load of our family. Did you call Mom back?"
Spicy, just like the resentment you've been carrying since you were voluntold to raise your siblings while your parents were "resting their eyes." Comes with a strong urge to control the group chat and a burning desire to be left alone (but also slightly praised).
😐 Middle Child Gum – Fruit Flavored
"No one consults me. Wait, there’s a family chat? I’ve learned to not seek validation from my immediate family members."
Sweet, fruity, and tragically overlooked—just like your middle school band concert. This gum exists in a constant state of confusion and quiet rebellion. Chew it while journaling, practicing shadow puppetry, or crying in your car.
"I’m coming with you! Who you calling ‘snot-nosed?’ Weirdly, there are no baby photos of me."
Cool, minty, and chaotically unbothered. Perfect for the sibling who got away with everything and still has the nerve to say “we’re all messed up because of YOU.” Bonus: includes invisible entitlement and at least 3 stolen hoodies.
Each flavor-packed box contains 8 pieces of therapy-scented gum.
Made in Canada, because of course emotional damage tastes better when imported.
Perfect for passive-aggressive gift baskets, sibling roast nights, or just as a reminder that no matter your role, you're definitely the normal one.
