Once upon a time, a chicken wanted to cross the road. Why did the chicken cross the road, you ask? Well, it doesn't really matter for this story, but it was probably trying to get to the other side. And trying is the key word in that statement. See, while the chicken was trying to cross the road, the rubber met the road in a high-speed car chase. An evil scientist had stolen some superflonium from a top-secret government lab nearby, and during the scientist’s escape, she ran over the poor chicken! Just as the rubber of the car tire and the chicken made contact, however, the superflonium in the scientist car exploded, causing unprecedented chemical reactions in everything around it. Once the dust cleared, only one thing was left where the tragic collision had been just moments before: the Great Rubber Chicken. Slowly, the Rubber Chicken raised itself off the smoldering pavement, and with a synthetic squawk launched itself into the air, flying away into the horizon. In the year that followed, the Great Rubber Chicken used it’s newfound powers to amass a following, founding the Cult of the Rubber Chicken. After a clandestine operation by the United States Government in 1937, the cult was shut down, and the Rubber Chicken was captured. However, recently artifacts from the cult have (quite mysteriously) began popping up in droves. Some say its a sign, and soon the day will come and the Rubber Chicken will return. These rumors could be just that, but what if they are more? If you and your loved ones want to be prepared for the Great Rubber Chicken, you’ve come to the right place. We have collected the finest Rubber Chicken artifacts for any who believe. Best act soon though, the government could shut us down any minute.
Also, everything on this list will make funny and ridiculous gifts for lots of laughs! (If you’re a heathen…)
Proportioned and modeled after the Great Rubber Chicken itself, this bendable rubber chicken is the perfect centerpiece for your household shrine! It’s small size also makes it convenient for proselytizing on the go.
Prophecies say that when the Great Rubber Chicken returns, a slightly uncomfortable chill will plague the necks of all humankind. Prepare yourself for this calamity with this comfortable, high-quality scarf!
The chicken flingers. For unbelievers, a harmless, extremely entertaining, funny gag gift and toy. For those blessed with the Chicken’s Touch, however, these chicken flingers are said to transform into deadly weapons, each one carrying the force of the Prime Explosion that gave birth to the Great Rubber Chicken itself. Use these wisely, brothers and sisters.
These don’t have any special properties, like the chicken flinger, but they are cool looking! And anything bearing the Great Rubber Chicken’s image is worth having.
The Great Rubber Chicken was said to have a very distinct smell while it was still on earth. This air freshener is by far the most accurate recreation of that smell, according to what records we still have. It is important to experience the Rubber Chicken’s scent as well as his image.
As the Great Rubber Chicken itself once squeaked, “With many little rubber chickens, you can do such things that a large plastic elephant couldn’t.” As with all its wise words, we must act and not simply hear. Get yourself some itty bitty chickens.
When the Great Rubber Chicken returns, and you finally meet it, do you want your breath to smell? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Ha ha! This whole Cult of the Rubber Chicken this was definitely just a joke! After all, this whole website has tons of ridiculous gag gifts, jokes, and other gadgets, so it would make sense that this whole cult thing is just a joke and not actually a real thing. So that’s what you should believe! Ha ha, how funny we are! You should probably have a good laugh and then go about your day normally and forget you even read this. That would be a reasonable reaction!